Podcast 4: Let’s Talk About Self-Love vs. Self-Care with Christine Fiorini

Thank you for hitting play on this hosted by Holly episode. I'm so glad you're here and we're in your airbeds. Just want to preface this. We intended to have this podcast posted and launched on February 8th with some technical difficulties and rescheduling. We had to rerecord this. And so I have the honor of talking with Christine for a second time, but instead of Tuesday, the eighth, it has been launched on February 22nd.

Now that, that disclaimers. I can't wait for you to listen and let's get into it.

Welcome back to the hosted by Holly podcast. Before we jump into our conversation with the wonderful Christine, Fiorini is all about self-love. I want to share something with you that I've been loving lately. This is not a sponsored post, but I figured I might as well pass along the message while I'm at it.

And this is from dear heart designs. This is not a subscription. However, each month they highlight a different product in their shop. And this month they're highlighting the gold pendant necklace that says light on it, along with theirs. Crewneck and it's super cute. It says to love one. Another is based on the Bible verse John 15, 12, love each other as I have loved you.

Now, if that wasn't enough sentiment and the perfect Valentine's day gift, they also give back each month, they choose from a pool of applicants to help support women going through missions. Or adoption or any unpaid causes. And so if you're looking for a sentimental gift that also has an impact checkout, dear heart designs.com.

And if you're in the Calgary area, check out the watermark shop, they also carry these designs and that'll save you a little bit of money on shipping, but now let's get into the juicy conversation with Christine Fure. Rini. 📍 Let's go.

well, this takes two. So this is a very special podcast. I have my friend Christine uranium from the love of C for the love of C sorry. And she is a self-love and style coach. Now we did plan and we did record this episode. And when I went to upload it, for some reason it vanished. So yes. So you get, excuse the hangout again, right.

But we're going to make it hopefully a little bit more seamless and a little bit more productive this time in the sense of actually getting it to the mic to your ears. So let's start with the same rapid-fire questions before, but now they're not so rapid-fire first. Green and yellow, green, and yellow. I love it.

Why are those colors? Um, green is like very nature, very earthy, very grounded. And then yellow. It just is like sunshine and fun and zest and it feels like me. So, yeah, grieving yellow. I love that. And favorite snack, boom. Snack. Um, I love chocolate milk, chocolate girl. Oh my gosh. Or Cheerios. Oh yeah. Have you ever done a trail mix with Cheerios and chocolate?

See, this is very interesting and I don't want to take up too much time here. However, she's got to be on it and listen. Trail mixes and like stir-fry and stuff like that. I do not like that because there are too many things in one thing and I can't get into it. So your one bowl of Cheerios in one bowl, chocolate chips.

Yes. I love it. Now, do you have a word of the year? I do have a word of the year, so my word is intention. And where does that route from? Um, Well, as a business owner, a relatively new business owner, and someone that has tons of ideas going at one time all the time. Um, I wanted to make sure that this year was a lot more rooted in intentional decisions and planning.

So instead of chasing like, oh, I have this one idea, I'm going to go here. And then. Not really like kind of completing it. And then a new idea comes in and I'm like, oh, what about this one? And like jumping from thing to thing this year was all about like staying grounded and intentionally placing my focus on where it needs to be and seeing something to the end.

I love that I am very guilty of doing the same thing and well idea machine. Yes. Um, I've done. The StrengthsFinder says, and, one of my strengths is activator so great at initiating ideas. Yeah. Terrible at the follow-through. So I understand that entrepreneurial thing. I get it. I get it. Wonderful.

All right. So we've mentioned that you're a self-love and style coach. Do you want to dive a little bit deeper into that? You said you're a new business, but let's see here where it started and where you're going with that. Yeah, self-love and style coaching. My business started with just-style coaching with wardrobe revival in 2020 in January.

So right before everything closed down and whatever. So in March, I had to pivot to being a virtual stylist. And as much as I love fashion, it's such a hugely passionate, one of the best dress people you'll ever see in Calgary. I appreciate you. Um, So, yeah, as much as I love and cherish fashion, it was too surface level for me.

And self-love is something that I have talked about on my platforms, in my relationships, as much as I possibly can, since I can remember. And I've done a lot of inner work and a lot of growth and a lot of holding of accountability and a lot of all the things and decided, you know what, like, I think.

Where I want to be is in that area of self-love coaching. So I just brought it in not to mention wardrobe. Revival is rooted in self-love too. So it all just like tied together and here we are. Okay. Appreciate the fact that you acknowledged that self-love is deeper than just self-care.

Yeah. For me, we've done a one on one coaching. I had the honor of having that and you called me out on some things I like to, I like to stay busy and I don't like to acknowledge the small things. And I would say my, um, my version, so to speak of self-love was the retail therapy and then going to a shop.

And just, that was my way of celebrating. That was my way of making myself feel better. But you uncovered something of the difference between self-love and self-care. What's considered quote, unquote, junk food. Would you want to unravel that PS4? I ever, I would love to. So basically junk food. Self-love is this mindset that self-love is achieved through doing or getting something outside of us.

So using your example of retail therapy, it's that dopamine hit, right? It's like a sugar rush. So you're chasing and chasing that retail and then you buy the things and you're at home and you're like, okay. Well, now what, like my, my, my inner peace is not any better. Now I'm like, oh crap. I have to probably schedule another retail therapy session so that I can feel this high again.

Right. So that's that junk food self-love of Berry, um, quick fixes buying things, looking for things outside of you. Um, whereas when we dive into sustainable self-love, self-care is a piece of the puzzle, but it's not the whole picture. Right? So sustainable self-love involves inner work. It involves self-care switching into nourishing relationships and having aligned expression.

So aligned expression can look like anything. The, where I specialize is in fashion style expression, but you have to find where you. Thrive in the expression, right? Like music or art or whatever it is. Right. Um, so that's where it becomes sustainable and can support you in the long run versus constantly seeking that fix of like, oh, I need to feel better.

I need to feel better. How do I feel better? And it's just, it's not helping you. Yeah. One of the tangible things you have me as a tool. W, uh, was to celebrate those wins, even if it's small. And that was the jar. Yeah. Explain or you have a jar as well. Um, yeah, so the memory jar, um, is what I call it. So basically every time something is accomplished or you do something noteworthy and it can be, I.

Clean my entire house in one-day accomplishment. Are you kidding me? And like celebrate all of the things, whether they're big or whether they're small. That's actually why my company is called for the love of seed. Um, when I grew up my parent, my, yeah, my parents would always say like the best things in life, start with C.

So I wanted to celebrate the big and small things. Right? So it's writing down a little, little piece of paper, what you've accomplished, or an impactful memory that's happened before. Folded up and put it in your jar. And then every time your brain starts to do the thing of like, I'm not doing enough, I'm not good enough.

I shouldn't be resting right now. I should be resting more productively or I should be doing X, Y, and Z. And making sure my to-do list is getting crossed off. Grab your jar. Pull out your memories and be like, oh my goodness. Look at all the things that I've accomplished. I'm good. I do deserve this rest time.

I do deserve time offline. I do deserve time to myself because look at all these memories that I've made already. Yeah. I don't. I appreciate it when we chatted. Um, I was saying I don't typically rest because I would take time enough rest. Cause I see it as lazy. And you switch that mindset is like rest is recovery.

Yeah. It's not something that you need to earn, so to speak because its productivity is a moving target. Yeah. And like rest is a human right. Um, how could you possibly all that famous saying, right? Like you can't pour from an empty cup. So how can you show up for your business, for your friends, for your family, for your relationships, if you're constantly running on empty because you refuse to rest because rest is weak and people that rest are not going to be achieving this, that, and the other?

Like, that's just, it doesn't one plus one doesn't equal two. You have to rest to get. Uh, human and the rest, as, as you said, it's a recovery. It's not being lazy and there is a difference between laziness and it's, it sounds counter-intuitive, but being productive in your rest is intentionally and maybe going off-screen time.

And that's what. Self-care slash self-love piece comes in. Exactly. You have created a great tool called the self-care menu. What does that look like? And is that how you consider your time? Oh my gosh. Yes. So my self-care menu it's am I, it hangs next to my bed on my nightstand, um, is basically like a list of 20 to 25 activities that are tried and true that I know.

Bring me joy, bring the replenish. And nourishment. Um, so on there is like juggling a bath coloring, reading, cooking, baking, whatever, like all the things that make you feel more like you so that when a time comes where I'm like, okay, I need to write. I'm not put on the spot being like, uh, and you ended up in that form of laziness and like in the form of like, okay, I need to rest.

So I guess I'll just scroll on social media or I guess I'll just watch a TV show and then you stop scrolling or the show ends. And you're like, okay. I don't feel breasted. I just feel worse. Yeah. Like not, not replenished in the slightest. So having a self-care menu allows you to have.

Activities that you can rely on literally in front of your face and being like, okay, I don't have to think about it too much. I just have to go to my menu and pick an activity that feels the best for me right now. And I know that that's going to bring me joy and happiness and we're good. That's how you spend your rest time versus empty.

So that's a helmet. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah, it does. I really, it opens my eyes. And when you think. Self-love how would you uncover that? How would you describe them for yourself? Um, I truly believe that self-love is the root of everything that we do, um, because there's so much intertwined. In the world of self-love, how can we have nourishing relationships if we're not able to nourish ourselves?

How can we express ourselves in a way that's aligned? If we don't know who we are, how can we rest? If we don't know what our activities are, you know, how can we rest if we don't permit ourselves? Yeah. So I believe that self-love is the answer. A lot of people seek like, oh, I just want to feel good.

I just want to be happy. Why am I not satisfied? Why can't I be proud of what I'm doing? Probably cause you're not swimming in self-love. So for someone who has been used to hustle culture yeah. And then thought self-care was the definition of self-love. So started doing the bubble bath thing. Guilty of those things.

Not saying bubble baths are bad. No. Going in to step deeper and realizing that self-love is more of the cause. Where would you suggest someone when it starts? Oh, I love this question in our work. So what I mean by inner work and for me, where it all starts is looking into what your attachment style is and looking into the world of accountability.

Okay, because there's no way we can make any changes. If we're sitting here being like, well, it's not my fault. I don't have a role to play here. It's this person. Or it's that person, or it's this excuse or it's this reason and whatever, where when you hold accountability, it's like, okay, you know what? I'm in charge of my life.

And I'm not giving the driver's seat to anyone else besides. So I have to make sure that I am resting for me to show up properly in all the areas that I need to show up in, in my life. I can't do it. Or people, someone can't do that for me. This is my work to do. And that's really where it all starts is that shift in mentality and shameless plug, um, in my membership for the love of confidence on Patreon, we're talking all about accountability this month.

So if you're like, oh, what is that word I'm looking at? What does that even mean? Like, what's the difference? What does that like? Where do I even start now? Head on over to my membership and let's get it going. Yeah. Yeah. Wonderful. So then you talked about attachment style as well. What does that look like?

Oh my goodness. There are a lot of big words you're throwing out and I'm like, oh, I'm going to ask for myself and be a bit selfish. No, please don't leave. Will you please, please. This has been phenomenal. This is my favorite topic. Um, so attachment style is essential. The way that we were raised to understand how a healthy, real, not, sorry, let me.

Attachment style is what we have learned is what relationships should look like based on how we were essentially raised. So the first person in our life, whether that's mom, dad, grandparents, caregiver, in general, they essentially set the tone of what we believe to be. At attachment. So personally speaking, when I was younger, my attachment style was very anxious.

So in my romantic relationships, it was very much. I need to make sure that I'm sacrificing everything that I believe in or everything that I do for them to like me because if they don't like me, they're going to leave me. And then if I'm alone that I'm not good enough. And if I'm not good enough, then what, what's the point of anything?

And it turns into this huge spiral. And instead of living my life for myself, I was living through this attachment style, energy, and I was extremely misaligned. Looking into. Oh, okay. So the biggest, um, realization you're going to have when you start to look into attachment style is being like, oh, that's why this happened to me, eczema.

That's why I think this way. That's why my behavior is this way. Things start to click and you feel called out. You feel called out. It can be overwhelming for sure. It's not, this work is not easy. We can't just swim in what our comfort zone is telling us is right when it's wrong. And the key to unlocking inner work is getting to know ourselves better.

So that means the attachment style, right? Yeah. So for someone that's looking to just get started with. Starting a journal or, yeah. How do you start those noticing things? And then do you have, is that all going to be in your, um, membership, or is that going to be one-on-one coaching? So attachment style would be more one-on-one coaching at the moment.

I do have a thought of having an attachment zone. Okay in the membership. Um, maybe, maybe, maybe. So. We'll see. I'm not going to pull the trigger on it just yet. Um, but if you're curious about all that, just take an online quiz. Okay. Start taking some online quizzes. There are a lot of free ones. Where, what would you suggest like literally Googling, um, attachment status.

And I recommend taking more than one. Um, and just starting to get to know yourself, it's like a personality test, right? Like starting to get to know yourself on a really deep level and yeah. Journal about like, oh, okay. I learned that my attachment style is this. And then you start to get more and more curious.

That's another key to his inner work is curiosity. And rather than judgment exile, it's never judgment because. That's so unfair. If a good friend of yours was sitting in front of you being, like, I learned this about myself and you were like you, how could you possibly think this, that, and the, are you kidding me?

You would not be best friends with that person. So why would you do that to yourself? Like this? Just, no, we're not doing that here. Um, so it's the curiosity of like, oh, this is very interesting. What more can I learn through this, um, area exploration? Um, and the more that you learn, the more you start to realize, the more you start to elevate into higher levels of self-love.

That's awesome. Um, do you have any books or resources that you would recommend? Oh, she's pulling up the books. I wish we had a video. Oh fuck. The attachment theory workbook. This is great. So it's by Andy Chen and it's a workbook. So after each. Section talking about the different styles.

It gives you questions and activities to participate in to help you get to know yourself, like, even circling different words and whatnot that resonate with you. It is a beautiful way to get to know yourself on that deeper level. That's awesome. I honestly did not even see that book. It was hiding in her bookshelf and she pulled it out.

I just, feel like I need to paint a visual right now. That's too good. The first time we didn't even touch on this because I wasn't in your office. True. So now I'm in your office, I'm able to see and visualize the whole concept, which is very magical. One of the things, um, I appreciate what the attachment theory that we were just talking about and kind of ties into self-love is I heard it on the podcast the other day and it was.

I would rather have others be disappointed in me than be resentful of them. Is that because disappointment is on someone else, whereas resentment is on you. And I feel like the last thing you want to do is look back and be resentful of the things that you couldn't have changed when you knew. If you just put in the work, you could have 100, 100%.

And it's funny that you say that because, in March, the theme of the membership is. Oh, amazing because forgiveness is a major in ourselves as well as other people in our lives. And I think a lot of times people get stuck in that resentment of beating themselves up or the decisions that they've made or the choices that they had, or the past their past in general.

And that's just not, that's not coming from a place of self-love right? Like, and forgiveness, you can't be in control of someone. Unforgiveness or forgiveness that for sure has. Beautiful. All right. So concluding for today. Yeah, we have, uh, one final question. I ask everyone on the podcast to bring something tangible to the table.

Now you've given us a delicious gluten-free. Banana chocolate chip loaf recipe. The one thing I will say is I went and tried to buy almond flour, man. That is expensive. It is not cheap possible. Yeah, there we go. There's your tip of the day, but I also believe everyone has a seat at the table. There's plenty of room.

So pull up your seat and tell us what you bring to the table. What I bring to the table is honestly, like right now, And zest Scott word and joy and playfulness and depth, um, and confidence. And like I could go on for, I live forever, but basically what I appreciate about my energy so much is that because I'm a best friend to myself, I can be a best friend to other people.

And that's what I bring to the table. And I love that for me. I love that for me as well. We met through a mutual friend and we've just been able to connect through that. And it's such a gift to see where this is going and just to connect with you over the screen and in real life. So thank you for listening 📍 everyone.

And we'll see you next week. And remember you are divinely created.